‘Beauty & the Beast’ (or Bust),’Wonder Woman’ Awakens & Double Up on ‘Insecure’ [Nerd Girl Corner]

 

Hey-lo, peoples!

I’m back again with some nerdy news. I’m certain you guys already heard it because I meant to write some of this stuff as soon as it came out, but life happened in the form of sickness after sickness after sickness and your girl wasn’t here for the shenanigans.

post-37305-krysten-ritter-eye-roll-gif-d-iiws

But guess what, I’m still gonna share it. Why? Because, why not. Also, I’m kind of in my feelings (or lack thereof) when it comes to some of it. So, if you’ll indulge me a little, let’s get the ball a’rollin’…

85594-austin-powers-huh-what-gif-wtf-ytpv Continue reading

Ms. Manners On… Going to the Movies!

Ms. Manners on…Going to the Movies: 

There are people in this world who understand how to watch a movie. There are others who don’t. For those who don’t, this entry of “Ms. Manners” is for you…

 (1) Be On Time. We know it’s hard to be on time. It happens to the best of us. But when you know that the movie is supposed to start at 8:10, and there are about 8-10 minutes worth of previews, don’t think it’s OK to just mosey on into the theater at 8:45 or 9:20. Do you really want to miss the beginning? Don’t you know that’s when everyone who matters is introduced? Don’t you want to be in the loop of what’s going on? Yes? Well, get there on time!

 (2) Don’t Bring Your Kids If It’s Not Appropriate. Listen, we all know that PG means that the kiddos are OK to watch with parental guidance, but once they starting adding on numbers, it means it’s too grown for three-year-olds. If the movie isn’t rated G or featuring cartoon characters, or overall not intended for children, do NOT bring your kids to the movie theaters. If you can’t find a babysitter for the night, you weren’t meant to leave your house. No 4-year-old showed be seeing Hugh Jackman’s ass during an X-Men film, and we did not request to hearing 9-month-olds crying in the middle of Spiderman 2 either. Continue reading

What I’m Diggin’ And Why You Should Be Diggin’ It Too — Upcoming Shows Edition (PART 2)

‘A lo, ladies and gents!

I’m back again when another installment of all the things I’m diggin’ and why you should be diggin’ them too. Last week, I decided to take a look at some of the shows that are coming soon to a TV near you and which ones have actually got me ready to set my reminders for its premieres. This week, I’ve decided to add a few more shows to the roster now that all the networks have officially released trailers for their soon-to-be hits.

So, first (technically fourth) on my list of  TV shows I’m interested in:

Empire

Synopsis:  “A unique family drama set in the world of a hip hop empire.”

Status:  Season 1 premieres Fall 2014 (Fox)

Why I’m Interested:This show is far more than what the temporary synopsis says, but in any rate, this show is looking to be one of those bad-ass cable shows like The Wire or even Starz’s upcoming Power. It’s got money, it’s got power, it’s got intrigue, and most importantly it’s got Terrence Howard opposite Taraji P. Henson and it even throws in a little bit of Gabourey Sidibe from time to time. Essentially Lucious Lyons (Terrence) learns that he’s gonna bite the big one and needs to groom one his three sons to be his heir. Problems arise, however, when his ex-wife Cookie (Taraji) comes back wanting half of what she slung drugs to build. It also tackles a bit of homophobia, stereotypes of black success, and dysfunctional families to the fullest.

Bottom line: Color me interested. And if you like good actors playing shady roles, then you’ll probably like this too.

Next up…

 Extant

Synopsis: “An astronaut (Berry) returns home from a year long solo mission in space. She tries to reconnect with her husband and son in their everyday life. Her experiences in space and home lead to events that ultimately will change the course of human history. “

Status:  Season 1 premiere in July 2014 (NBC)

Why I’m Interested: Call me a sucker for remotely anything sci-fi. Yes, I know Halle Berry gets under people’s skin sometimes, but hey, the lady can act. And I’m already kind of pulled in by this whole Aliens meets Species with A.I. thrown in thing they’ve got going what with her getting pregnant in outer space and then coming home to an android kid. Is she going to keep her half-alien baby? Will she reject her android son? Will her husband be like Joseph was with Mary and learn to accept this immaculate-not immaculate conception? Will will the aliens arrive? I’ve already got so many questions that I hope this show won’t bore me into not caring for the answers.

Bottom line: If you want to see Halle do more than the occasional cry scene or screw up comic book characters, maybe you’ll give this a try.

And last, but certainly not least ,

How To Get Away With Murder

Synopsis:  “A sexy, suspense-driven legal thriller about a group of ambitious law students and their brilliant, mysterious criminal defense professor. They become entangled in a murder plot and will shake the entire university and change the course of their lives. ”

Status:  Season 1 premiere Fall 2014 (ABC)

Why I’m Interested:  It’s freaking Shonda Rhimes, y’all! This is the lady who gave the world Scandal and this new show basically looks more like How the Popes Learned to Live. This show looks like Scandal: The College Years. Oh, and it’s got Viola Davis on the roster ’cause you know, Shonda only rolls with the Oscar winning/nominated women out there these days. 

Oh, and did you happen to notice that Alfie Enoch (of the Harry Potter) franchise is one of the leads? Yeah. He’s grown up to be really cute, yo.

Bottom line: If you want more juicy, murder mystery in your life, then Shonda’s got you covered with this one.

Honorable mentions:

Ascension

Synopsis:  “Manipulative power broker Viondra Denniger navigates life aboard the starship Ascension, which was sent into space by the U.S. government in 1963 to populate a new world. Ascension picks up 50 years into the mission, as a mysterious murder causes those on board to wonder why they’re really there.”

Status:  Season 1 premiere November 2014 (SyFy)

Why I’m Interested:  The fact that this is like a science-fiction period piece set in SPACE… my dude, how can you NOT be freaking intrigued? And these days, SyFy has been bringing it when it comes to TV (see: Defiance, Helix). Call me a nerd all you want, but this actually looks good. 

Bottom line: It look hella creepy, and I’m all about that ish. 

The Flash

Synopsis:  “A TV show centered around scientist Barry Allen, who suffers a freak accident that turns him into a superhero with the power of incredible speed.”

Status:  Season 1 premiere Fall 2014 (CW)

Why I’m Interested:I don’t know much about Flash mythos other than he’s a pretty cocky bastard and tends to have a little brotherly rivalry with Superman from time to time, but the trailer for this show looks pretty good so far and being that it’s a spin-off of CW’s Arrow (which apparently is killing it), I think that maybe this show will do DC justice. I also think this may be one of the shows to watch because it looks like DC is owning TV right now (Arrow, Gotham, upcoming Constantine, and former great Smallville). Marvel may be raking in the money with its blockbuster movies, but Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is NOT cutting it for some and it looks like DC just might have the magic formula for television.

Bottom line: If you like Arrow, then you’re probably going to enjoy Flash.

And that’s what I’ve got for this week’s upcoming TV edition. Tune in next week to see if your show tops my list, and remember if you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Until then,

Got a show you’re anxious for? Let’s chat about it in the comments and connect on Twitter to live-tweet these upcoming shows!

 

What I’m Diggin’ And Why You Should Be Diggin’ It Too — Upcoming Shows Edition

‘A lo, ladies and gents!

I’m back again when another installment of all the things I’m diggin’ and why you should be diggin’ them too. For tonight, I’ve decided to take a look at some of the shows that are coming soon to a TV near you and which ones have actually got me ready to set my reminders for its premieres.

So, first on my list of  TV shows I’m interested in:

Penny Dreadful

Synopsis:  “Explorer Sir Malcolm Murray, American gunslinger Ethan Chandler, and others unite to combat supernatural threats in Victorian London.”

Status:  Season 1 premiere on May, 11 at 10 p.m. (Showtime)

Why I’m Interested: Like some people out there, I can go for a good re-imagining of Gothic novel characters. If you haven’t seen the first episode of this new show, then you probably should. It looks like it’s gearing up to give you a good mix of characters we’ve seen from books/movies like Dracula, and Frankenstein, but all cleverly mixed together a la The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. The other reasons that I’m looking forward to this show: Eva Green (my goddess) and the return of Josh Hartnett. I’m already interested to see which characters (famous or not seen on paper) we’ll encounter on this show (spoiler: we meet one in the series premiere) and to also see how they all connect in some larger supernatural scheme of things. 

Did I mention Eva Green was going to be in it, too?

Bottom line: If you like a good Gothic horror story re-imagined in some form, then this might tickle your fancy.

Next up…

 Gotham

Synopsis: “The origin story behind Commissioner James Gordon’s rise to prominence in Gotham City in the years before Batman’s arrival.”

Status:  Season 1 premiere in Fall 2014 (FOX)

Why I’m Interested: I’m always up for a good Batman-inspired something or the other, and this time we’re not going to see the caped crusader, but instead Commissioner Gordon before her was the Commissioner. Ooooh. From the extended trailer, we also see that we’re going to get a black female mob boss in the form of Fish Mooney (Jada Pinkett) and we’re going to see all our favorite bad people — Riddler, Penguin, Cat Woman, Poison Ivy, and the Joker (yes, the Joker!) — before Batsy got his claws in them.

Bottom line: This looks like the makings of a good origins show, so I’m gonna give it a chance.

And last, but certainly not least ,

Hieroglyph

Synopsis:  “A notorious thief is plucked out of the prison to serve a Pharaoh obsessed with maintaining power.”

Status:  Season 1 premiere (FOX)

Why I’m Interested:  This show’s got my interest for the fact that it’s set in Ancient Egypt and/or is Ancient Egyptian themed. As a child, I wanted to be an Egyptologist, so finally seeing something of a culture in history that I adore ON TV is exciting to me. As it stands, we’ve had period shows from The Renaissance (Da Vinci’s Demons), Victorian, England (Penny Dreadful, Dracula), Colonial Times (Black Sails), Reign of the Tudors (The Tudors, The White Queen), and even Ancient Rome (Rome) and Ancient Greece (Xena, Hercules). Finally, Ancient Egypt is getting some shine. Oh, and Condola Rashad is playing Queen Nefertari, so that’s a win-win for me too. Don’t know what to expect, but I’m willing to watch it and see where it goes.

Bottom line: If you’re a history buff, then you should probably give it a shot.

And that’s what I’ve got for this week’s upcoming TV edition. Tune in next week to see if your show tops my list, and remember if you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Until then,

Got a show you’re anxious for? Let’s chat about it in the comments and connect on Twitter to live-tweet these upcoming shows!

 

What I’m Diggin’ And Why You Should Be Diggin’ It Too — Canceled Edition

‘A lo, ladies and gents!

I’m back again when another installment of all the things I’m diggin’ and why you should be diggin’ them too. But for tonight, I’ve decided to go shed a tear for the shows that have come and gone (coincidentally all after one season) that I thoroughly enjoyed and cursed the heavens for taking  away from me.

Hey, if people can mourn family, celebrities, and their pet goldfish, I can mourn television shows.

So, first on my list of  canceled TV shows that I miss:

Wedding Band

Synopsis:  “Lifelong friends play in a band for hire.”

Status:  Canceled after Season 1 (TBS)

Why I’m Missin’ It:This show was basically Glee, but for cool adults (no offense to Glee or anything). First off, it brought back Brian Austin Green as the frontman of a wedding band that played some of the most awesome renditions of pop songs. And I believe it was all their own singing, too. Harold Perrineau was the cool guy who played for every famous rock band alive, while Derek Miller and Peter Cambor were the brothers who were polar opposites with a passion for playing music. I’m sorry guys, but this show was like The Hangover with musical tidbits in between. Oh, and lest not forget Melora Hardin as the sexy, vampy, boss who took “Get Ur Freak On” to another level.

Bottom line: This show had guts. And it was fun. And it TBS did a better job of not putting it on Saturday nights, it would’ve been a fan favorite.

Next up…

 Almost Human

Synopsis: “In a not-so-distant future, human cops and androids partner up to protect and serve.”

Status:  Canceled after Season 1 (FOX)

Why I’m Missin’ It:   OK. So this show gave a bit of mixed feelings for some. And I will admit, I wasn’t able to always catch it (due to work), but when I did watch it, it always kept me entertained. I binged on the last four episodes without further thought and was ready to find out what the hell happened to Karl Urban’s character, Kennex, whose ex-girlfriend (a black actress, woot!) was a part of a terrorist organization. I also wanted to know what was going to happen to Michael Ealy’s character, Dorian, and if he was actual (dum, dum, DUM) human before becoming a robot! This show had a good premise, and it was a good mix of science fiction without being too ahead in the future to be relatable. It was good balance of I-Robot, Gattaca, and AI, which is the reason why I kept coming back.

And let’s be really honest: who the freak wouldn’t want to look into Michael Ealy’s beautiful eyes one hour a week, huh?

Bottom Line: Fox is known for not giving good shows and chance and they totally missed the mark with Almost Human. If only Syfy or FX would pick the show up and give it new life, this show would be make Fox cry in shame. 

And last, but certainly not least:

Camelot

Camelot; 2011

Synopsis:  “King Uther dies suddenly. Britain is facing chaos. The sorcerer Merlin appoints the not so known son and heir Arthur as the king who was raised as a commoner, but his half sister has other plans. Arthur faces tough times and will be tested beyond imagination.”

Status:  Canceled after Season 1 (Starz)

Why I’m Missin’ It:  If you know anything about me, you’ll know that I’m a history/fantasy/mythology nut bag. And this show gave me a great mixture of it all. It worked in the magical aspect of the King Arthur story without beating it over the head, and it had the right amount of sexiness without being gratuitous. This show also had a pretty sweet cast with (the secret not-so-secret love of my life) Eva Green as Morgan Le Fey (neé Pendragon), Joseph Fiennes as Merlin, and Tamsin Egerton as Guinevere. I will mourn this show. I will mourn this show so much — especially since it ended right when things were getting so good. And my biggest peeve with this show? It didn’t have bad ratings! The real reason Starz bumped this show off the rost was because it didn’t bring enough new subscribers to the network. Le sigh, man. Le sigh.

Good lord, she gives me a lady boner.

Bottom line: This show didn’t have to end and Starz is a giant poop face for letting this gem go.

And that’s what I’ve got for this week’s canceled TV edition. Tune in next week to see if your show tops my list, and remember if you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Until then,

Are you already a fan? Let’s chat about it in the comments and connect on Twitter to live-tweet the next episode!

 

What I’m Diggin’ And Why You Should Be Diggin’ It Too — Flashback Edition

‘A lo, ladies and gents!

I’m back again when another installment of all the things I’m diggin’ and why you should be diggin’ them too. But for tonight, I’ve decided to go back in time into yesteryear when TV was a lot simpler and list some (yes, not all) of the TV shows that are currently in syndication years after they’ve been cancelled that I still watch.

Hey, great TV is great TV — no matter how old it is, how young you were when it came out, or how old the actors on it are.

So, first on my list of “Flashback TV” to watch:

The Golden Girls

Synopsis: “Four previously married women live together in Miami, sharing their various experiences together and enjoying themselves despite hard times.”

Status: In syndication on Hallmark Channel, Lifetime Channel

Why I’m Diggin’ It: What is not to love about four witty old broads — Dorothy, Blanch, Sophia, and Rose — talking about life, love, and sex while eating cheesecake? I wasn’t old enough to know and appreciate this show when it was around, but as an adult I can laugh along with every single joke, or sympathize with almost every situation (except for the hot flashes — I haven’t reached there yet). With that said, the show is a true testament to “things that never get old.” And the best part? If this show is still around when I turn 50, I’ll have something on TV catering to my age demographic!

Bottom line: If you loved Sex and the City, this show is basically Carey Bradshaw and the gang much older and living under one roof.

Next up…

Martin

Synopsis: “The random misadventures of Martin Payne, an abrasive, loud-mouthed (though somewhat insecure) Detroit talk show host and his assortment of friends and enemies.”

Status: In syndication on Centric TV, MTV 2

Why I’m Diggin’ It: It’s rare these days to have television shows about nothing in particular… while still being entertaining. Martin was a product of the era in TV where we followed peoples’ lives set in motion by creative writing and exceptional comedic timing. Not to mention, star Martin Lawrence played a solid EIGHT characters during the show’s run, including titular character Martin Payne. Each character was well-developed and distinct and at times, you forgot it was actually Martin! This show is guaranteed to give me a belly full of laughs every time I watch.

Bottom Line: If you’re looking to catch Martin Lawrence at his ABSOLUTE funniest, do yourself the favor and watch this show.

Finally,

The Cosby Show

Synopsis: “The goings-on in the life of a successful African American family.”

Status: In syndication on Centric TV, TV Land, Nick at Nite

Why I’m Diggin’ It: Is that really a questions? The synopsis says it all. Cliff was a doctor, Claire was a lawyer, they lived in a brownstone in Brooklyn, NY with five children. Yeah, that may sound boring, but this show had it ALL — comedy, drama, social awareness — without being overbearing and preachy. With all the things this family had going on, I wanted to be a Huxtable.

Bottom line: If you want to watch quite possibly the best family sitcom of our time that probably opened the door for other shows like it, watch it. Nothing beats the original.

I just had to…

If you don’t know what this is, you should Google and/or YouTube                 “Gordon Gartrell”

And for honorable mention…

Living Single

Synopsis: “Lives of several single male and female roommates and friends in the 90’s Brooklyn, New York.”

Status: In syndication on We TV and Logo

Why I’m Diggin’ It: There was the sexpot workaholic, the jazz-singing stock broker, the stylish man hunter, the tomboy journalist, the loveable goofy ball actress, and the wisdom-filled handyman. All living in an apartment building in Brooklyn, NY. Growing up, they had the kind of lifestyle and friendship I could only dream of having as an adult.

Bottom Line: If you like Sex and the City, but want a little more comedy in your diet, Living Single goes down smooth.

And that’s what I’ve got for this week’s Flashback edition. Tune in next week to see if your show tops my list, and remember if you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Until then,

Are you already a fan? Let’s chat about it in the comments and connect on Twitter to live-tweet the next episode!

 

What I’m Currently Diggin’ — And Why You Should Be Diggin’ It Too!

Here’s the deal:  I’ve been told that I watch way too much TV — and it’s partially true. I watch quite a few shows, but the only problem is that I tend to watch things that not a lot of my pals are into. And it’s pretty damn frustrating when I’m ready to go head first into my theories, likes, dislikes, etc., and I find there’s no one around to speak to. Le sigh. So, why is it that I’m the lone viewer in my crew? This can be one of two reasons: either I’m just very open-minded when it comes to TV (aka “weird”) or my friends/fam just don’t get why I’m into these shows.

Well ladies and gents, today is your LUCKY day! I’ve decided that I’m going to put you guys on to a series of shows that I’m diggin’ and that you could to like too. Now I figure that my list today may or may not strike a chord in some of you, so I intend to do this every week until I’ve found some kindred spirits. Oh, and it won’t just be TV shows either, but for right now, we’re gonna start things off a little light.

So, what shows am I going to talk about first? Let’s just see, shall we:

The Blacklist (Mon. 10 p.m. ET on NBC)


Synopsis: “Former government agent Raymond “Red” Reddington (James Spader) has eluded capture for decades. But he suddenly surrenders to the FBI with an offer to help catch a terrorist under the condition that he speaks only to Elizabeth “Liz” Keen (Megan Boone), a young FBI profiler who’s just barely out of Quantico. “

Status: Currently in Season 1

Why I’m Diggin’ It: First and foremost, the show’s star, James Spader, is the freaking man. I don’t care how much weight he’s gained, or how much hair he’s lost. There’s something about this guy’s caliber of acting that just makes you all tingly when you see it in action. When James talks, it just demands your attention and his role as the ever-conniving informant is quite possibly one of the best things I’ve seen on TV.

Bottom line: If you like shows with characters that are masters of manipulation, then you’ll enjoy this.

Next up… 

Grimm (Fri. 9 p.m. on NBC)


Synopsis: “A homicide detective discovers he is a descendant of hunters who fight supernatural forces.”

Status: Currently in Season 3

Why I’m Diggin’ It: I think my feelings on this show have been made quite clear by this point, but what I absolutely love about this show is that it’s got cop action, family drama, and a unique take on the characters of the Grimm’s fairy tales. It’s fantasy without being too over-the-top, while simultaneously not taking itself too serious. Every week there’s something new, while staying true to the core of the show and that to me makes for fun TV.

Bottom line: If you like shows that reshape the fairy tales you grew up loving, then you’ll enjoy this.

And finally…

Resurrection (Sun. 9 p.m. on ABC)


Synopsis: “The lives of the people of Arcadia, Missouri, are forever changed when their deceased loved ones return.”

Status: Currently in Season 1

Wouldn’t you want to know why your dead aunt popped up on YOUR doorstep?

 

Why I’m Diggin’ It: This new show kicks off with a little boy named Jacob waking up in China, and ends with us learning that he’s been dead for about 30 years. With every episode seemingly adding another dead loved one returning to their family (or possibly in hiding), this show is interesting to say the least. These walking dead — not like those Walking Dead — are all somehow connected, and the shady Sheriff Fred, his inquisitive daughter, Maggie, and federal agent Marty (Omar Epps) all want to piece the bizarre clues together. Meanwhile, we’re learning that more dead people are coming back and they might not be as friendly as the ones we’ve seen…

Bottom line: If you’re looking to take a chance on a show filled with mystery and head scratching, then you’ll enjoy this.

These are the shows I’ve got so far, but I’ll be back next week with yet another list, but in the meantime I hope you give these shows a shot! If you’ve got some suggestions, be sure to send them my way. Until then,

Are you already a fan? Let’s chat about it in the comments and connect on Twitter to live-tweet the next episode!

Vibe Vixen: Road Trip

Making the Best of a Holiday Road Trip

Posted by  on Dec 10, 2012
  0

 0  2

If you’re road trippin’ with friends or family, there’s always a chance for boredom to set in. You know that feeling: you’ve played every song on Rhi’s Unapologetic at least 6 times, eaten all the snacks from the last pit stop, and you’ve heard every single ‘knock knock’ joke from your little cousin. You’re literally dying. We feel your pain, and we’ve complied a few tips to get you through the toughest road trips.
Play Good Music! Music is the glue that holds people together. Include music that will get you moving in your seat. Not only will it keep you up, it’ll make the drive interesting. Can’t decide which songs to play? Switch off being the DJ, so everyone can get a piece of the action. This way, you’ll hear different types of music, which will hopefully ignite…
Good Conversation. The makings of a good trip are laughs and intense conversations. Start with current events and entertainment news. If you’re with a group of old friends, reminisce about times you guys had before and the stories will pour out.
Play Games. Okay, we get it. Playing games seems childish, but it keeps a trip alive. Try Taboo, where it’s more mental than physical. If you have space, playing card games is a fun way to pass the time. But, leave your iPads and tablets at home—engaging everyone is what gets the people going.
Eat! The quickest way to ruin a trip is to have hungry and cranky folks around. Having non-perishable items like nuts, fruit, jerky is a great way to save cash on the road, and will keep you energized. Be sure to have water to keep you hydrated for the miles ahead.  – Afiya Augustine

Vibe Vixen: The Rules of a Proper House Guest

The Rules of a Proper Houseguest

Posted by  on Dec 10, 2012
When I visit a friend or a family member’s home, I always try to be a great houseguest. Growing up, my mother was a stickler for being courteous, and after having a string of not-so-great guests of our own, I’ve come to learn what hosts appreciate and abhor. Follow these steps and I’ll you’ll always have a place to stay. – Afiya Augustine

Make Arrangements. The first and foremost important thing to do is call ahead. Do not arrive unannounced. Everyone has plans and it’s never good to infringe someone else’s. Make arrangements that are are comfortable for all parties involved.
Don’t Bring Additional Guests. It’s simple: if your friends aren’t invited, don’t’ bring them. Just because you were given the opportunity to stay, doesn’t mean you have the right to include others. It’s rude and selfish. Please don’t be that girl.

Be Tidy. Do make sure to keep your belongings in an orderly fashion. No host likes a guest who treats their home like the bottom of a laundry basket.
Don’t’ Be Judgmental. It’s bad for business. You’re a guest, not  Jesus. So what if they have an annoying cat, or the kitchen could be neater. Keep your comments to yourself.
Don’t Eat Everything. Be considerate when it comes to food and toiletries. No one likes a hog. Even better—offer to help pay for groceries. And if you’re up for it, ask to prepare the meal.
Give a Gift. It’s always nice if you can give a small gift when you arrive or right before leaving. A bottle of wine or flowers are great tokens of appreciation.

Ms. Manners – Column

While I wish I had the time and the funds to do this with some friends, a flip cam and over the top humorific acting, I can’t. So, I will do this Ms. Manners segment, as I’ve done all my Ms. Manners segments – with my words.

 Today I would like to talk about office etiquette.
It seems that while some of us have clearly been around the cubicle and know how to conduct ourselves, there are just some people who do not understand the idea of common courtesy when at the work place:
  • TIME MANAGEMENT- This should be the numero uno etiquette rule to follow: GET YOUR ASS TO WORK ON TIME. For some of us, there are “grace periods,” where strolling in late isn’t necessarily a detriment to your responsibilities. But if your office is strict, then you should make it a habit of notifying people if your going to be anywhere between 15-30 mins later than you normally arrive. It’s also common courtesy to make up your lateness by staying the same amount of time you were late coming in. It shows that you’re taking responsibility for your lateness. If you are not making it in to work, please call in about the time that you’re supposed to come in to work. It’s really shady to call and say you’re not coming in at 2.30pm when you were scheduled to be in at 10am. It’s pretty obvious then.
  • DRESS CODE– Your office calls for a dress code of some kind, as most offices do. While some require strict business attire, others may ask that you come business casual, or dressy-casual or even just plain ol’ casual.  Though there are some loop-holes to some codes and you may get away with the occasional denim skirt or sneakers with your dress pants, PLEASE ADHERE (for the most part) to the code. Unless you are Naomi Campbell and your office is a runway, please do not take it upon yourself to strut into work with some fantabulous ensemble that has NO BUSINESS in the office. DO NOT come to work in see-through tanks, mini-skirts, or coochie-cutters so that when you bend over we can see your pretty pink lace thong or an outline of your ovaries. I understand that as the weather gets warmer, you clothes tend to have less fabric but at least when it comes to the work place PLEASE cover up your milk jugs. And fellas, this applies to you and your saggy jeans, crusty-dusty bottle caps, holey Sunday shirts with stains and the like and arm-hole shirts with all of the tangle weeded mess of pit hair. *Note: Just because you may have a “Casual Friday” code at work, you still do not have the right to show up in booty shorts on your grungiest of attire because that’s what “casual” means to you.* 
  • CONVERSATIONS AND PHONE CALLSSome offices are loud, some are quiet and some are in-between. It’s nice to carry on conversation with your neighbor and we know that sometimes talking on the phone is a necessity in your job description. However, your conversations shouldn’t be so loud that your neighbor three cubicles down can hear how much you hate the little Filipino lady who keeps stealing your stationary when you’re not looking. And that secret merger that you’re planning isn’t so secret when your door is open and potential clients can hear it…in the board room. No one needs to hear to you asking your husband which hemorrhoid cream he prefers or what Indian restaurant you ate from that gave you bad gas. Inversely so, it’s beyond annoying when you speak no louder than a church mouse and your co-workers have to purchase hearings aids to hear what the hell you have to say. PLEASE gauge your voice, close your doors or take your conversations outside. *NOTE* Be advised that you are on the clock so excessive phone calls and extensive conversations are a straight-up NO-NO. If you must, go on your lunch break and spare your co-workers.
  • INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS No one ever said that it’s not cool to make friends at work. After being stuck in an office for hours at a time, you may occasionally strike up a conversation and you may find that you and your neighbor are both huge Marvel Comic fans. While that is all fine and dandy, please remember that work is just that- WORK. I implore you to pick and choose who you divulge information too. Even though your neighbor may seem sweet and pleasant, you never know where your story about your husband leaving you for the albino cock-eyed midget with the “I Love Rick James” tattoo on her arm will end up. Furthermore, speaking freely about your drinking habits to a superior might toss you out on your ass and that joke about your co-worker looking like a young Hitler might have you in hot water in the HR department. *NOTE: Unless you work in a place where your name goes from Jan to Jellyshot, remember that your job is a place of business and not play. Do not take it upon yourself to start making sexual advances on your cute co-workers. It’s not a club. If you want to “holla,” do it off the clock. Just be advised that dating co-workers is risky business…ESPECIALLY if things go sour.*
  • MANNERS– Considering that when people are born, they are given parents, it’s assumed that said parents raise these children. It’s then safe to assume  that these same parents taught the value of good behavior. Therefore, there is no excuse to pass by your co-worker’s desk or cube or office and not say “Good Morning.” Even if you were raised by wolves, wild animals have greetings between each other. Greet people with a friendly hello or hi, or a simple smile will do. And if you don’t like initiating pleasantries, at least RESPOND with a hello, hey, head nod, or smirk. 
Nno matter how much you hate your job, try to come to work with a pleasant demeanor. Not only will people recognize how good you are at separating feelings from obligations, no one will pester you as to why you look so drab. Also, sometimes at work you become overly restless and you can’t stand the idea of being there, but please DO something productive. Even if isn’t your work. If the job bores you so much, then find one that will grab your interest.

And last, but most certainly not least, PLEASE make an effort to be the best employee that you can possibly be. I know that this was a long list for some, so expect a couple of breakouts on Bathroom Etiquette and how to manage a Communal Kitchen. =)