Burned by Farenheit 451

“You’re either in love with what you do, or you’re not in love.”

These were the words that I read in the back of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451. And it’s almost as though I cannot escape them. Isn’t this the universal truth about anything that you invest your time and energy into? You either love it or you don’t.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m halfassing my goals because I’m not in love with them. Maybe I’m just in love with the idea and not the action itself … just like those women who love weddings and the idea of love but forget that they have to be in love and in a marriage the next day. Maybe…

After I finished Farenheit 451 I thought to myself, what would happen to us if there weren’t any books? What would happen to us, if we didn’t have a few words on a page to enlighten, to inspire, to sympathize? What if we only had bright lights and sounds to comfort us? Immediately, I thought I’d go insane. Even though I do not read as much as I would like to, the idea of having my face glued to a colorful box 24/7/52 just made me lose it internally. Can you imagine how mushy our brains would become?

But then I thought about the bigger issue … the issue of having a cause to fight for. And I wondered if I was “fighting” hard enough to become what I ultimately want to be. I know that my writing isn’t up to par, and that half the time (well, in the past few months, rather) my thoughts are disjointed … slightly incoherent. But does that mean I should stop all together — or just fight harder?

“They must write you. They must control you,” said Bradbury. “They plot me. I never control. I let them have their lives. ”


“I just let them speak. I don’t control them; I simply give them a podium and let them talk to me. All my good stories are told to me by the characters. I don’t write my stories. They write me.”

I used to just sit and wait. And then all of a sudden, a wave would wash over me. I would just start typing and typing away and next thing you know, there were characters on a page. And they were doing things. And saying things. And loving people. And kissing people. And killing people. The experience was like … a movie playing in the dark recesses of my mind and my hands were trying ever so hard to catch every moment, every detail so that it was out of my mind and onto a medium that everyone else could see. But it seems as though the movie theater is closed. And No matter how hard I try to pry it open, the boards are nailed down tight.

“You have to believe in that self as a writer, or you shouldn’t be doing it.”

Is it that my belief is not as strong … that I lack the appropriate amount of faith? Three unfinished novels, an unfinished novella and an unfinished book of short stories. People say that stories cannot write themselves, but I believe they can.

Maybe my characters have abandoned me until I am ready once again to give them all their much needed attention. Maybe they’re waiting until I fully believe that I am the one to tell their stories.

My Need to Stop “Wanting”

I need to stop “wanting” to do something and just do it.

I went on Instagram the other day and captioned this Michael’s inspirational photo with this spiel about how I need to be more creative, and/or write more. Ask me what I’ve done so far. Go ahead, ask. Better yet, why don’t you guess. That’s right … nothing.

I’ve got this huge mental block that’s a mixture of procrastination and utter fear and it’s making me freak the f-ck out. My ultimate goal in life is to be a creator — in multiple senses of the word and I find that my creative process is just not what it used to be. And that scares me. Have I lost it? Have I lost my ability to create?

Most nights I feel as though I’m sitting the dark, waiting for the muses to speak. A soft whisper, whimper, anything in my ear. And I just can’t find it. I can’t find the words or the will to start. Am I going deaf, or are they just not talking anymore?

“I want to…” is how I preface sentences these days. I don’t like it. The only way to make it stop is to be proactive and my normal surges of artistic, innovative energy are just NOT there.

I swear, this is why some of the more creative people throughout history had to smoke opium, or drink heavily in order to produce masterpieces. This damn pressure to make something out of nothing. It’s insane!

But I’m rambling…

I saw a lady today and I tried to craft a hint story about her:

“She reminded me of mocha and chocolate, but looked nothing like it. Pouted lips and tiny wefts of hair she struggled to contain with a pin.”

Then after a minute of thinking, I found that I didn’t like it. And it was a word over. But in the back of my mind I congratulated myself, stating that at least I tried. I wanted to craft a hint story and I did. Failed technically, but I went after it.

Where has the inspiration gone? Am I going insane? Am I slowly but surely going out of it because I’m over-thinking and over-analyzing the situation at hand? It should be pretty simple to just do something — to just get up, and push myself to write something or craft something. To just do, instead of wanting to do.

Is this quarter life crisis just kicking my ass in more ways than one?


In the past, when I wrote, it was almost like an out-of-body experience — my thoughts just floated onto the page and came alive on their own. I was a vessel and the story, its characters, the emotions … everything just came out of me just like Ray Bradbury said about all his best stories. They wrote themselves and he was just the person, the vessel they used to come into existence. Sigh..

Well, at least I wrote today. That’s better than nothing.

The Left Hand of Darkness Made Me See The Light

I completed The Left Hand of Darkness  with about 7 days left in the month to go, achieving my first goal of finishing the epic sci-fi novel before the end of May.

As I mentioned before, the book is slightly dense, and the hardest yet most endearing part of the book dealt with the journey of  the two main characters, Genly and Estraven, across this massive ice land. I didn’t think I would make it through, much like the characters. But I did. And when I made it through with them, it was a quick succession of events that ended with me being very teary-eyed. I may have shed a tear or two.

So … what did I take from the book?

1. To Push Beyond the Envelope
If it’s one thing that Ursula definitely does throughout most of this novel, it’s making you think. From the introduction to the end of the book, this woman had my brain working overtime. First she gives me an an androgynous/sexless/hermaphroditic society, then he poses questions about the consequences of equality, and then she talks about the duality of a person, while weaving in all these sociological and political undertones. It was like:

2. To Make a Story Rich
TLHOD had a lot of vocabulary. At one point I thought I was straight out stupid because I didn’t know half of the words in this book. Then I realized that she made them up! And used them so flawlessly in between actual words that I couldn’t tell the difference. And of course, her story was made all the richer for it because her world was complete with its own words to describe its culture

and last but not least…

3. Don’t Be Afraid of a Long Tale
As I previously mentioned before, I only got into TLHOD after hearing it mentioned in a movie I watched a while back.  It was only after I started reading the book, did I learn that it was a part of a larger tale. One of my fears it to have a story that’s really now and not interesting, but sometimes it does take several tales (sometimes even different ones that interweave in and out) to tell a story, or make it more interesting. Not to mention, I loved the way Ursula changed her narration between scientific findings, to the point of view of one character to the legend of a group people to the point of view of another character for the same event.

That’s about it for now. Oh, I’ve also started on book 12 of 13 in the Sookie Stackhouse Novels (aka the True Blood books) called Deadlock.

After this book, it’s Dead Ever After and then we can say goodbye to all the characters that I’ve grown to hate, dislike, loathe, can’t stand, and love. However, I did read somewhere that we can apparently expect an epilogue novel with a follow-up of all the main characters. *shrugs*

Con Amor,

Oh OH It’s NaNoWriMo

Hello ALL!

First, I apologize for my absence. For the past few weeks, I’ve been working on another project of mine which I was hoping to do a little bit better with all the energy that I’ve been putting into it. Now that the hardest part is over, I’m turning some of my attentions back to WRITING.

Now, back to reality: NANOWRIMO! Continue reading

Update – Same Ol’ Same Ol’

Hello all,

Felt it was time I did an update. It’s not going to be pleasant, so here it is:

Haven’t written anything new, in regards to my novel. As you may have noticed, I have been posting poems and bits of prose more often. Things I actually thought you’d like…as it was a constant stream of literary work from the brainchild that is MOI. Guess not. BUT, it’s a step in the right direction, as I’ve been actively writing/typing.  But alas, I haven’t added much to the novel. Does that mean I will stop writing it?


As a matter of fact, I’m actually holding out from writing a lot more on the Game of Hearts novel because I plan on using it as the foundation for NaNoWriMo this year. That’s write right! I will be participating in NaNoWriMo this year and I intend on completing this novel or at least the required amount of pages/words this year.

Aside from that, I wrote a poem for the first time in a long time. And I mean wrote – as in physically held a pen in my hand and placed it to paper and let ink run out on the page. It felt good. At first it seemed forced, but then it all of a sudden took a life of its own. Don’t know if I want to type it up though. Doesn’t seem like you guys are too keen on my poetic outlet =\

Anyway…that’s what I got so far. I’m currently working on some non-literary projects which takes my time away, but I’ll  keep you entertained.

Update…and still ashamed

Hello Darling Followers,

This update comes from a rather not so happy and doleful place. I’ll get straight to the point:

I haven’t added anything new to what should’ve been the novel I “completed in a summer.” It seems that while I may have the entire plot mapped out to perfection, the words just aren’t coming to me. And though I hate to make excuses, I find that nothing is moving forward because I really don’t have much time to breath, with everything else sucking up all my energy. I know, I know – “if you want something bad enough, you’ll make time for it,” but this everything around me is just like a sinkhole of concentration. I intended on selling some of my hobby pieces this summer and that is constantly being pushed further and further into the future as new circumstances are constantly arising and because of this, the writing aspect of my life which I want to become vastly devoted to is taking a dive because of it. *sigh* I could stay up late and write until the crack of dawn, but I get so bogged down mentally, that nothing happens.

I was supposed to go to a place not too far away for a day of relaxation and pure typing, but that didn’t happen. If I have my way, I’ll go soon…if…

I spoke with a friend the other day who told me that I should release some of my work, over a course of time, bit by bit to gain an audience and feedback and while I’ve started that with this post, I haven’t got much of a response which obviously has left a bad taste in my mouth. Is writing really for me?

Anyhow, I will try to continue on…and I’ll be doing so with a bit of “Erotic Fan-Fiction” but not on novels or T.V. shows or anything like that. Nope, just on men. Men, will be the source of this fiction- famous men…or at least men I find incredulously handsome and would love to get my hands on but know (in the front of my mind) that I never will. I got the idea from Tina (of Bob’s Burgers) cause she does the same…but with her friends…and zombies.

I’ve always wanted to do it, but thought that in a world with so much social media and googling and shiz, people would think that it was a real story but, now I don’t really care. I’ve been dreaming of these guys too frequently to not indulge in a little fantasy and well…get some writing done.

The first of these Fan-Fiction pieces will be called “The Elf & His Princess,” a mock interview piece that I wrote in high school about me and Orlando Bloom (when he was hot off the LOTR circuit). It’s long…and it’s out there, but it was based on like a four-part dream I had for several weeks so…yeah.



absent and ashamed

Darling followers,

I would first like to apologize for my lack of posts. When I first started this blog, my intention was the write and post as frequently as possible, giving you an insight to my writing style (that you hopefully grow to enjoy). Unfortunately, I’ve been bombarded by bouts of confusion, blockage and (downright) laziness, that I haven’t been able to provide you with anything new.

But it hasn’t just been this blog – I haven’t been able to do anything new. My design projects are happening mostly in my head partly due to lack of energy, and my writing efforts on this novel I imagined I’d have finished by the end of the summer, aren’t going well either. I guess, you can say that I’ve once again stumbled on that dreadful thing called writer’s block. *ugh* Despite the fact that I’ve got the plot for the story all mapped out, and I know how I’d like to play out the ups and downs of the for my characters, the words, the damn words aren’t coming to me.

BUT, I have to say that something else has popped into my head (which is usually the case when I’m stuck on one story – hence all my unfinished stories). It was a dream actually, and it involved a retelling of Snow White.

In the dream, Edward Scissorhands made an appearance (lol), but with him taken out, it’s a very modern take on it. I guess that Grimm marathon with my sister and my anticipation for season 2 of Once Upon A Time has finally got to me. It has some aspects of Cinderella, but in my dream it was meshed together so well, that I don’t think you’ll really notice it. I’m pretty torn between writing it to be honest. I mean, how many re-telling of classics can people endure, right? But then I thought, this could be…the thing that showcases my talent?! AND I’ve been clinging on to this idea of a steam-punk retelling of beauty and the beast too…so I don’t know… *scratches head*

Sometimes I fear that I’ll have compiled nothing but scraps of paper with the beginnings to so many stories and have only a small fraction of them actually completed and like zip published…*sigh*

In other news, my sister has created an idea for a children’s book and has graciously granted me the task of writing it! HA! She called me yesterday to ask on the progress of it as well…so I need to get cracking on that.

Hmm…this is turning out to be one hazy summer. Yikes.

I promise to give you a progress report, hopefully better than this one.

Thanks for listening,


Muse is Sickly…

And so, in trying to keep with documenting my success in finishing a novel by the end of Summer, I am here to inform you that my muse is sickly. Not only is she sickly, but it seems that she’s got laryngitis as I haven’t heard a peep from her in some days. A few times during showers she may muster up some form of plot development, but aside from that, I haven’t added much to what I’ve already got, which is okay because I’ve mustered up something in the 10-11 thousand word range. But, considering that I need to be somewhere around the 80-100 thousand range by September…it is a bit worrisome.

Nonetheless, I shall prevail. I think my sudden blockage may be due to the fact that I need a good book to put me in the frame of mind of the time. With that being said, I’m looking to read a good copy of  ‘Jane Eyre,’ preferably on a beach soaking up some sun and much needed relaxation time. I am hopeful that I will procure my copy of the book soon, though I’m not sure if I want to borrow if from the library -which I haven’t been to in MONTHS- or if I should just get the bloody copy from a Barnes and Nobles and hold on to it in hopes that it’ll be one of those books that I read every Spring or something. It can be added to the ‘classics’ section of my personal library which already includes such books as “Mansfield Park,” “Little Women,” “This Side of Paradise,” ” The Jungle,” “A Tale of Two Cities,” “Wuthering Heights,” “Frankenstein,” “The Awakening,” and “The Jungle.” None of which I’ve actually read yet. Jeez-Louise I need to get better with my reading.

Well, that’s all I have for you so far. I will be posting up excerpts of what I have AND I will also be posting up some poetry and short stories as I started in the past. I need to make this blog thing a little more lively, then hopefully people will like me enough to actually want to read more.



Writing Prompt: Look-A-Like

As of late, I’ve been working on this novel and find myself getting waves of inspiration and the moments of pure stumped-ness. In those moments I either read in a feeble attempt to research OR think of books I want/need to read to expand my vocabulary and finesse my writing style to sound more of a ‘period piece’ than a contemporary recollection of a past event.

When I’m not doing that, I’m searching for contests to enter and found myself rummaging through my old hand-written pieces for short stories that I can add to my already typed collection. I found this little ditty and decided to share it with you all today:


It was either my first or second day in this class that I noticed him. His face reminded me so much of this guy I once knew and in the beginning, everything I looked at his face, I couldn’t help but revert back to memories I shared with the other guy. Little does this man in my class know, his clone is walking around on campus. His face, his smile, his hair, his damn height – all of it – all of it is freaking reminiscent of this guy I use to know. I made me sad at times. I wasn’t sad that the guys look alike – homeboys are attractive. It’s sad because I had let the guy I’m reminded of go. You know in life sometimes there’s that one person you get attached to and things are going pretty smooth but then out of nowhere something or someone comes along and freaks it up and you’re either too chicken-shit or confused about the situation and instead of trying to mend thing, you let them naturally dissipate? Yeah. He was that guy. The guy I let the forces of nature and my own stupidity take from me. And it’s like every time I hear this guy in my class talk, I hear the other dude’s voice. Granted, he doesn’t sound as street or as Brooklyn as the guy in my class sounds, but I can still hear him. What use to hurt me the most though, would be when I came to class and saw the clone and then go out on campus and see the real thing walking around, holding his girlfriend’s hand. I felt like shit on those days. It was as though he was everywhere. I just couldn’t escape him. But sooner or later, I had to come to terms with my own mistake. And maybe sitting across from the one who looked like the one that got away was the dose of medicine I needed. 

My professor commented that my writing was “smooth & expressive.”

That’s all for now.

Novella Halted, Novel Started & Research Commences

I know, you’re looking at the title of this post and going “Oh goodness gracious, this girl is nutters.”

I know I have the absolute worse track record when it comes to completing things, but remember the story I was talking about in this post? Well, one night after cruising the internet, looking at pictures of really hot men and creating fantasy castings for books-turned-movies, I decided, I will go forth with my story “Game of Hearts.” As it is, my (would be) novella is steeped in some kind of surreal fiction, and it would nice for a change for me to write something a little different, but equally entertaining AND a period piece at that. So, I decided that I’d give the novella a break so it can simmer on the back burner of the brain and went in search of an expert to help me with my new project.

A friend of mine (and fellow writer) is always writing pieces with the African diaspora, so I sent him a quick message about wanting to do a French period piece around people of African/mixed race descent. He was immediately hooked and as he gave me some references and points of research, I gave him a quick summation of where I’d like the general story to go and he was instantly in love with the idea. He even gave me a few things to consider which was great.

One of my inspirations: Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Choderlos de Laclos & its 1988 film adaptation, Dangerous Liaisons

I told him of my apprehensions and then he said that “it’s been spoken to much into existence for you not to.” His encouragement was just what I needed, especially since he noted that many writer of color don’t think to go along the route of period pieces. So, after looking over the initial three paragraphs that I had written over a year ago, I started typing. And I typed. And then I started talking to myself aloud. And I found myself looking for paper (which I have an abundance of) and then I just opened up the post-it feature on my laptop and like…a breached flood, the plot outline for my story came to me. It has sex, intrigue, back-stabbing, rakish behavior, the marquise de sade (influences anyway), mistaken identity and people of color!

From three paragraphs, I’m now 28 pages into a story that I never thought would happen. 28 pages, however, of scattered plot, as I now how to tie in different elements from the outlined plot and the story doesn’t come to me chronologically. I like to say that my muse speaks to me but often has a sore-throat so I have to strain to hear her or she speaks staccato fragments to me that I then have to plug in different places to make sense.  The writing is no where near finished and I can’t imagine how many pages it’ll be when I’m done.

It would be a lie to say that I wouldn’t like to finish this by the end of the summer. For once, I’d like to completely finish a full fledge (potential) novel. I have three others I’ve started since high school waiting for me as well as my novella. I must break the cycle. This story must be finished. Especially since I’ve created all the story arcs for the main characters. Not to mention, I’ve started researching – yeah! – on the history of French caribbean islands, free color of people, historical clothing, condoms (yep, I want my people smart and shiz), architecture, & titles of nobility.

Wish me luck guys. I’m going in.

As the story continues, I intend on leaking some scenes (maybe even a sex scene or two) for your reading pleasure.