Untitled Musings #3

He seems like the kind of guy you could hold hands with in public. The kind of guy who isn’t ashamed to throw his arms around you when you’re walking down the street. He seems like the kind of guy who will purposely make loud smacking noises when he kissing you so you can feel a slight tinge of embarrassment and instinctively check over your shoulder to see if anyone is looking.

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Untitled Musings #1

I had visions of a girl
dancing in the moonlight, on the orange-kissed earth.
Feathers at her feet, glitter in the air,
the scent of ripened raspberries combing her hair with
bits of leaves tangled in her mane.

Who was she? Continue reading

Manifested Destiny – Poetry

Manifested Destiny

Before my eyes can catch a glimmer of sleep, I think of you.
A manifested destiny in which we meet and you become my
personal exhibition – my visual stimulation, my heart’s liberation.
As I drift off into a daze, I think of the early morning haze
surrounding us, my eyes fixed upon your soft lips.
I watch you, in my sleep, as you sleep, the air breathing
life into the body that has awaken my spirit.
With my eyes closed I imagine your shut eyes, waiting for them
to open, like a Christmas gift – a present of glittering constellations
wrapped in the iris behind gleaming lashes.

You are my treat. My midnight snack when I do not eat.

When I fall into heavy sleep, I dream of how you fall in love with me-
we meet and you let me think I seduce you. We tumble through
the sheets where love is made fresh like the bread we break the next day.

I listen to you sing as I fall asleep -yes, in my dreams- as your voice
is my opus symphony. Chopin’s Nocture is nothing to your lullaby
and my eyes grow heavy  as your lips hold me with your harmonies.
You strum your guitar and I feel the chords through the sinews of my
body, with every note plucked, I am moved and I can’t believe that I am with you.

And after I fall asleep in my dreams, you wrap your arms around me,
I can feel your warmth and in reality I instinctively clutch my pillow tight.
I can get lost in my dreams with visions of you sleeping with me at night.

And as day begins to break, I am saddened that our night has to come to an end,
my manifested destiny with you will have to wait until it is night again.

Update…and still ashamed

Hello Darling Followers,

This update comes from a rather not so happy and doleful place. I’ll get straight to the point:

I haven’t added anything new to what should’ve been the novel I “completed in a summer.” It seems that while I may have the entire plot mapped out to perfection, the words just aren’t coming to me. And though I hate to make excuses, I find that nothing is moving forward because I really don’t have much time to breath, with everything else sucking up all my energy. I know, I know – “if you want something bad enough, you’ll make time for it,” but this everything around me is just like a sinkhole of concentration. I intended on selling some of my hobby pieces this summer and that is constantly being pushed further and further into the future as new circumstances are constantly arising and because of this, the writing aspect of my life which I want to become vastly devoted to is taking a dive because of it. *sigh* I could stay up late and write until the crack of dawn, but I get so bogged down mentally, that nothing happens.

I was supposed to go to a place not too far away for a day of relaxation and pure typing, but that didn’t happen. If I have my way, I’ll go soon…if…

I spoke with a friend the other day who told me that I should release some of my work, over a course of time, bit by bit to gain an audience and feedback and while I’ve started that with this post, I haven’t got much of a response which obviously has left a bad taste in my mouth. Is writing really for me?

Anyhow, I will try to continue on…and I’ll be doing so with a bit of “Erotic Fan-Fiction” but not on novels or T.V. shows or anything like that. Nope, just on men. Men, will be the source of this fiction- famous men…or at least men I find incredulously handsome and would love to get my hands on but know (in the front of my mind) that I never will. I got the idea from Tina (of Bob’s Burgers) cause she does the same…but with her friends…and zombies.

I’ve always wanted to do it, but thought that in a world with so much social media and googling and shiz, people would think that it was a real story but, now I don’t really care. I’ve been dreaming of these guys too frequently to not indulge in a little fantasy and well…get some writing done.

The first of these Fan-Fiction pieces will be called “The Elf & His Princess,” a mock interview piece that I wrote in high school about me and Orlando Bloom (when he was hot off the LOTR circuit). It’s long…and it’s out there, but it was based on like a four-part dream I had for several weeks so…yeah.

w/love

-Alja

Reading and Inspiration

I was told about Fifty Shades of Grey by a friend before Wendy Williams briefly spoke about it in hot topics. My sister (hearing all the hype about it) decided to buy all three books and in my curiosity at her voracious devouring of the novels, I decided that I would read this “mommy porn” as they call it. Now, why it is called a “twilight knockoff,” I spent about 12 hours straight reading this book, with about another 5-6 hours needed to actually complete it.

Of course, if you’ve read the book, you’d know that it’s chock full of all kinds of kinkery and sexiness. I also have to say that it’s well written a quick fun read, at least in my opinion. The constant mood swings between the characters to me emulate what it is to be human. Yes, the main character can be a bit repetitive, but so was Sookie Stackhouse in the Southern Vampire Series, and I enjoy those books just the same. The phrases that the protagonist comes up with aren’t that stilted, but she does use a lot of  non-American phrases and it’s chock full of vocabulary which I love. And it makes perfect sense as the main character is an english major who wants to work in publishing.

The book has kind of both renewed my inspiration to write that story ‘Game of Hearts,’ but also makes me feel so nervous and uncertain. The last few days I’ve been wondering if I have the chops at all to be a writer. I have so many distractions and on top of that, writing does not pay the bills and my attempts at making money at the moment are not panning out like I hoped they would.

Any how, back to the writing portion of this dilemma: I find myself stuck in my head often. I have the words, but they don’t come out write, or when they do they don’t sound good enough. My sister tells me “people write books all the time, some not as good as the stuff that you write,” but yet they still get a green light while I’m constantly rejected by publishers for not being “what they need right now.” And maybe that’s the roadblock too. I won’t say that I have writers block, because I’m sure that if I wanted to produce a piece of fiction, I could. I guess it’s more mental than anything.

I haven’t written new poetry in so long, I’m ashamed of myself.

I don’t know what more I can really say at this point. A friend said to me that she wanted to make a pact for us to read and write every day. I told her that I would try my best. My track record with pacts isn’t great, as evident by my own novella challenge. And it doesn’t seem like I was really missing out, as my story wasn’t picked as a finalist or semi-finalist any how. *Le Sigh*

Sorry for the dark lament, but I’m having a Sylvia Plath moment.

Thanks for listening,

w/love

-alja